I had been talking about getting out of Auckland for years. My rent was rising, but my wages were not. Two thirds of my income went on rent. I was working hard and I devoted myself to my classroom but I struggled to make my pay cheque last the fortnight, and often found myself stressing about how I was going to pay for petrol to get to work and back before payday. I didn't go out for dinner, never went to the mall, and did all my shopping at charity shops. But although I knew that my financial situation wouldn't change unless I moved out of Auckland, I stayed where I was. I loved working for the centre I was in, and my centre manager was my friend, fellow University classmate, confidante, mentor, cheerleader, and my biggest supporter. I loved going to work each day and after being in the workforce for 25 years, I know how rare it is to find a workplace and management team like this.
So I stayed in Auckland, happy at work but struggling to keep my head above water financially. I learnt to be grateful for small things, and to do things that gave me joy or made me feel happy. Things like going for a walk on a sunny day and finding a beautiful leaf or flower, or sitting outside watching the birds. Things like eating yummy food and having a friend over for dinner. Things like being creative in my craft room, making journals, making fairies, or simply colouring in. Things like playing banging out ancient African rhythms on my djembe, or practising my ukelele, teaching myself to read music and play my recorder or singing. Things like getting lost in a good book. Things that didn't require money or use precious petrol, meaning I would be able to get to work in the last few days before payday.
I was happy in every other sense, but had a deep feeling of despair at my financial situation and didn't know what to do. And then the house I was renting was put on the market and was sold. I had to move out, but there was a rather large problem. My rent had increased only very moderately in the 6 years I had been living there, while in that time house prices and rents had skyrocketed all over Auckland.
To get into another rental property, I needed $4,000-5,000 which I didn't have, just for the bond and letting fee, for a house I could barely afford. This was not a situation which I wanted to get into. I packed up the house and put everything in storage, and hired a campervan to live in for 6 weeks while I looked for a solution. My parents had just sold their house in Auckland and moved to Whanganui, and this gave me the impetus to finally move out of Auckland. I don't know if I would have had the courage to do move if my parents hadn't already done so. My parents are not afraid of uprooting and moving to a new place. We moved often when I was a child, including moving countries. I prefer the stability and security of staying in one place. I am the same with jobs. I have a history of staying in a workplace for 4-6 years before moving on.
I started looking for work in Whanganui. I was very particular - I didn't want to work in certain branded centres, while being primary trained meant I couldn't work in kindergartens. I wanted to work with the older children, and I wanted a centre that had above minimum ratios. There was only one teaching job advertised that met my requirements, and I applied. This was my one and only shot at finding work in Whanganui.
I find that whenever I start on the path to making a major life change, I wonder if I am doing the right thing. I am scared of what I don't know. I don't know what is in store for me or how it is going to turn out. And for me, taking risks is scary. It means I have to step way out of my comfort zone and act in faith. It terrifies me. But the consequences of not doing it terrifies me more. There are several things I do when faced with big decisions. I talk about it with friends whose opinions and advice I value. I research. I seek out people who have done what I want to do and talk to them and find out their experiences. I talk to trusted family members. I pray. I ask for guidance. I have faith that everything will work out fine, because it always does. When things are meant to be, somehow the stars all align and things fall into place. Which is exactly what happened with my move to Whanganui. I got the one job I applied for in Whanganui, and my boss in Auckland managed to fill my position the following week, which was never going to be an easy task. My leaving and start dates fitted in perfectly with when the campervan needed to be returned, which saved me from being homeless and on the streets, and my parents had a room available for me to stay in until I could find my own home in Whanganui.
- Not all life changing decisions are big ones. But they do require change. And that requires an acknowledgement that something isn't right in one's life and it requires a real desire to change. Change is not easy. Change is hard and it can be terrifying and uncomfortable, especially at first. A close friend of mine realised he had a drinking problem that was fast getting out of hand. When he decided to cut down his drinking, he didnt tell anyone because he was terrified he couldn't do it. He is an advocate of a Reduce Harm model, rather than abstinence. Instead of his usual 6 shots of vodka when he woke up in the morning, he began to wait until after he had driven his partner to work before drinking. The next day he waited until lunch time before drinking. Each day he made a small choice to reduce the amount he was drinking, and over the course of a few weeks he had made significant changes until he no longer had any desire to drink. He didn't believe that he could stop, but he knew that his drinking was killing him and his desire to live became greater than his desire to drink. He found hope, and hope helped him find the courage he needed to change.
I am inspired by people who have the courage to make changes in their life. It teaches me that change is valuable, essential and part of life. It keeps me humble. It keeps me always learning more. It keeps me aware that I have not yet reached my destination, not even close, and that perhaps I have stalled or even digressed a little. But that's ok - as long as I just keep dreaming, keep striving and keep enjoying the little things along the way.
